just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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