just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
