and she was petting her beer can
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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