I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
