he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
