let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
