Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
