Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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