i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
