Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
