I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
