Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
third nipple confirmed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
