I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
