paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
