So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
