we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so let's talk penis.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
