i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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