if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
