My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
