why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
