so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
