Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
