I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
