Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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