dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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