She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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