I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
