Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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