ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
