just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
