I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
