Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
