So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
