Got a toothbrush?
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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