there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
