I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
