If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
