I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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