I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
