so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
