I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
