pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
