How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
