I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
