If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
