it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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