and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
