Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
