You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
