i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
