Pappa wants mamma naked
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
