I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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