angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
