You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
