Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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